I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
