I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
