There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
