My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
