I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
