I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
