youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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