God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
