you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
only you would photoshop your dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
