oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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