please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
