Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
