oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize