im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
