Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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