He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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