You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
