I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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