Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
