And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
