you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
