dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
