She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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