Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
