Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Damn victory sex feels great
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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