Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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