My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
