Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
