i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
