I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
