dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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