I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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