Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
