sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
