i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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