Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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