I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
