I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just googled if crying burns calories
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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