soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
