Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
