There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize