Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize