Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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