hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
