i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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