don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
