so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
