I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
