I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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