3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
