haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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