My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I love you. Go after that dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
