when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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