His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
