I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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