I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
