I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
