And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
