Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize