Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
