dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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