I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
