my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
