i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
