I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
