She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
