even my farts smell like vagina
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
