i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
