I look better un-naked...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
