Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
