where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
