How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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